Overwhelmed...

attempting to medicate with food, avoiding the inevitable, debating the validity of my current apprehensions, and now I write to avoid the avoiding.
I seem to be stuck in a mire of uncertainty, and can't figure out who or what I am. I miss the grounding the women in Wisconsin provided me--Steph and her love for animals, Riley, Green Bay, Brett, her students, and how similar we are in our frustrations and body image woes...Nelson and the strength and professionalism and expertise she provides her students, rewarding them with the best learning experience imaginable, and her love for food and wine and music that I shared with her when we were in the same vicinity...January's realistic and driven nature, who encourages her students and friends to be the very best human possible, who at times forgets how important it is to take care of herself, but showers those she loves with the utmost care and devotion...Jasmine's intelligence and calm demeanor, the college prof that I longed to take classes from and strove to become...Lindsay's articulate quiet reserve, and yet sparkle for fun and unbelievably immense knowledge base and brilliance...Julia's sweet smile and ability to laugh, who would do anything for her friends...

I miss these women more than I ever thought. I miss how I felt when I was around them, and I miss trying to be better to prove that I was worthy of their awesomeness. I haven't given up per say, but I am not doing as well as I could be. Phone calls and emails and text messages are just not the same as El Patio with cheese dip, or Mogies and a cider with spuds, or a glass of wine while rolling out homemade pasta or some other random cooking project speaking school speak.