HOORAY!

I got to get out of the apartment, have a Corona at El Patio (haven't been there since this summer), and see January and Steph who I haven't been able to see in a LONG time.
I needed that more than anyone could know.

I know it might be hard to understand as to why I have remained out-of-the-loop, but when you are removed from a part of your life that was everything--where you lived, ate, slept, breathed, worked--everything--and then are thrown into a situation that is stressful and all-consuming, it is challenging to even stay true to yourself. Add that to the mix of feeling left-out, insecure, horribly lonely and uncertain of my life choices--THEN have an awesome situation (first student teaching placement) ripped away from me--tossed into a land of hell that I lose myself even more...

Who wants to be around someone like that? I don't like the thought of being "that person," the one who brings everyone down with negativity. I'd rather be miserable alone, try to work through the issues I am having, and not bring everyone into that "bad" place.

I don't know. I am learning so much about life and people...these past 5 1/2 months especially.

I wonder if this will follow me wherever I go until my last breath.

Again, yet another depressing thought.