Definitely not keeping up....

with the writing thing...I need to work on that! Volleyball season ended Thursday, and we wound up (both Varsity and my JV) 0-10. Yep. Not one match one. My girls at least won 2 games, Varsity won 1, but damn, that is depressing.

That school just shouldn't have a program. Besides the losing incessantly, other teams make fun of us and laugh at us on the sidelines. While our girls are sweating and trying super hard to keep up, the opposing team would barely break a sweat.

For two super-competitive coaches, this was difficult to stomach. At least the Varsity coach is a 1st grade teacher, so her patience and ability to be calm is a tremendous asset. For me, the combination of uber-competitive, and lack of patience (even for my freshmen--that is why I enjoy teaching my juniors!) really wears me out.

My Varsity coach insists she isn't returning to coach next year, which will mean I won't either. The only reason I agreed to come back this year was because I couldn't see her dealing with all the garbage of the season on her own--besides the losing, the parents and lack of drive in the students is disheartening.

We'll see what happens in a year though... :)

Deciding on a concious effort...

to be a better role model for my students this year.

I need to take better care of myself. I worry constantly about my students--that they are eating enough, that they are doing what they need to for college preparation, that they aren't in unhealthy situations at home, etc. But I don't take care of myself. I don't workout, I don't eat as I should, I put all of myself into teaching, but not into me.

This year I really want to change that. I worked hard all summer in preparation for this year. I have been planning, thinking about what to do, and trying to read and educate myself as much as possible. I want to be able to do for me this year more than the last two years.

I know coaching was a huge part in my stress both last year and the year before, but I think that I allowed myself to get too bogged down by things that really shouldn't have gotten to me.

This year, they needed me back. I am back, and I am going to give 100% of myself for the girls. Not like last year. I am going to let volleyball be my escape for these next two months, and not look at it like an "extra" overwhelming "thing."

I want to give my best to my students, and I will, but I also want to give my best to myself, and this is going to include coaching again. I am going to work on being more flexible with random things that come my way, and I want to be able to not freak out if something isn't "just right." It never is--NEVER. I just need to decide that it will be ok. IT WILL.

I just don't want to be as exhausted all the time. Mentally, I need to develop better ways of coping in order to be able to fight the exhaustion and not get brought down. Other people live much more hectic lives than I do, and don't go to bed at 9. I want to be able to have a late-night if needs be, and still be able to function in the morning. This is a huge goal for me this year.

I wonder if my friends were here, would things be any easier??