Things I wonder about...

Why did I decide to go home for a full seven days? In a row.

Why do my mom and dad and gramma have to get old? It sucks.

Why can't my sister catch a break?

Why can't my mom get up outta my sister's ass and realize that she can't catch a break?

Why can't I make more money and buy my sister a decent car, pay her bills, and take care of her better?

Why can't I make more money and fix my parents' house so it doesn't suck--at least get them good carpeting with good padding and good beds that aren't MADE OF STRAW?

Why can't my mom just LET ME take care of my sister? I am actually FINALLY doing ok right now. Why can't she see that?

Why is being on "vacation" so exhausting? So much so, I can't even fathom staying the night at my sister's (who only lives 30 minutes away) or staying in EC when I go see my friends? I'd rather just sit around, see my gramma and grandpa, and then go to bed back at my parents' house.

Why can't my parents come and visit me this summer? With my sister?

Why can't I be rich to have MLB Network at my house? I like seeing the Brewers on TV.

Ok. Enough for now.

So here I am

Irritated that a freshman chose not to complete the 3 question quiz I gave on the book I am reading out loud.

I am trying to understand the rationale behind such a choice, and I know that I need to be patient and supportive with these "fragile" kiddos, but I can't help questioning where students learn to just give up and NOT EVEN TRY. Why this is an acceptable practice, why, when one of the questions was an OPINION question about the future of the book, the student left it blank and said "I don't know any of these."

It isn't in me to just give up. Even when things are pretty bleak (like not having enough money to take public transportation to get to work in Chicago--so I sold CDs for $2), I try not to give up. It is frustrating, and hard, and exhausting, but the alternative is just not appealing. Where did this come from?

I am just glad I have it, and thankful for my parents for fostering it in me.

Yeah, go ahead and "take something off" your daughter's "plate":

AP Psychology is really going to benefit her long-term, versus AP Language and Composition.

This is now the 7th student "released" by a parent from my class.

I even had an email from a parent saying that my "expectations [were] to high!"
Spelled. Just. Like. That.

The irony.

Crabby ranting...

You know what? WHATEVER. I may have made mistakes in the past, I may have totally sucked at life at one point or another--guess what? I'm human, imperfect, and attempting to grow and learn and be better. Clearly, as demonstrated, many choose to remain dedicated to past experiences. Though, as I type this, I know I am not much better. I need to let go.

It is ok that Lori won't be my friend on facebook. That she ignored my email, and I still don't know what the hell I did.

It is ok that Nate is with Sara from high school and they have me blocked.

It is ok that Joel is married to some anorexic white trash.

It is ok that Jeff is married and has had a daughter already.

It is ok that Norman is married and just had a son.

It is ok that I am not married.

Why do I let any of this get to me?

NOT WORTH IT.

I know that I shouldn't

get pissed at facebook--it is MY fault that I look for stuff...but it still sucks seeing all the happy married with spawn people from my past/present. I know that the appearance isn't the reality, but it still is frustrating and hurtful. I know that I deserve at least some of my wishes, but waiting for them to come true sucks ass in the face of facebook. :(

Things I am learning...

I don't like being a grown up and "playing house." It is much harder than planned for.

For every single teaching position I apply for here in the Portland area, there are at least 300-500 applicants I am competing against--something that would have been good information to have prior to me moving my ass out here.

I am not a fan of working retail, and I have gained a whole new respect for those who work it for his/her livelihood.

I actually miss Wisconsin, and my family, and my friends.

I hate driving.

I hate living in the suburbs.

I hate having no money.

I hate having no options.