I just want to teach.

that is all.



I've been writing on my other blog a lot more. I'm taking a break here for a bit.  Not too long though. 


Unoriginal: Year in Review

Got engaged.
Lost my teaching job amidst unfair accusations, negative personal attacks, union representation and lack of seniority. Thank you politics.
Re-started working out.
Re-started Weight Watchers.(Lost about 45 pounds so far.)
Started running. (I know!)
Lost my gramma and grandpa in the span of a month.  (I am still having a really tough time with this.)
Took a temporary teaching position at the high school I graduated from.  In Wisconsin.=Lived in Wisconsin from August 30th until December 17th. 
Coached 8th grade volleyball--at my old junior high.  It was amazing.
Ran my first 5K. In the snow.
Read and finished and blogged about 30 books.
Moved back to Oregon.

Please send me some job-getting juju.  I am not holding my breath, but I know that on Monday, this will be the first school day I am not working in a very long time.  I am going stir-crazy, and being unemployed and uninsured sucks.  Really and truly. 

I am very ready for some more positive in 2011.  It is my turn right?


Life getting in the way.

Yep.  I let it.  But, I am writing and keeping up with my other blog.  I guess this particular blog has taken a severe hit on the priority list.  But, as I am avoiding more grading, and completing my final project for my online class, this is a great time to blog! :)  
I will be in WI for only about 13 or so more days.  It is a relief and a heartbreak all in one.  I really love two of my colleagues who make my day better on a consistent basis.  My students have FINALLY come around (of course, just as I am planning to pull away and ready them for my departure).  I have enjoyed spending more time with my little sister and seeing my family a bit more...even though, in their eyes, it still isn't enough.  Also, Packer games every Sunday without leaving my house for a bar has been absolute heaven.  It also seems that WI likes football more on TV and local stations actually play games on Sundays--not just the stupid one Seattle Seahawks game that we get back in PDX. 
But, I am not used to the cold anymore.  The chill sets in at times, and I can't even shake it.  I have also been running outside to better myself and lose the fat, and it is cold that HURTS.  I am not sure that trading it for the rain and hills will be better, but at least my gym will be there.
All in all, life is good.  Hard.  Stressful.  Exhausting.  Scary.  But good.  


In the past 41 days...

I have lost my gramma.  Who I loved more than I could ever convey in words. 
I started a long-term substitute teaching position in a classroom in the high school I graduated from.  With 3 post-it notes as my plans. 
I was able to see my fiance twice--two times more than I thought I would when I first came out here.  The first was for my gramma's memorial service, and the second was me being back in OR in our home. 
I lost my grandpa.  Two weeks ago tomorrow was when we lost him, and now I have no grandparents left.  I never thought that I would ever say that.  Ever. 
I saw my favorite aunt more than I have in the past 10 years--she was with my mom together with grandpa the night he passed.  She came the day after we lost gramma, stayed for a week, and came back for over 2 weeks when grandpa was given only a few days left to live.  She was my mom's savior and I am thankful every moment for her presence for my mom.
I have lost 10 pounds and have worked up to running 28 minutes straight.   I have had some missteps along the way, but I am determined to maintain a healthier lifestyle because it feels much better.
I've been able to spend time with my grad school friends--three women who inspire me every single day with their talents and energy.
I've been able to see my family on a regular basis.
My little sister and I have worked some of the weird out, and things feel a little more normal and positive.
I have missed my fiance, my home, my cats, my life in OR more than I thought possible.  I am doing my best to stay positive and upbeat, but some days it is really hard.

Everything happens for a reason, and I believe this to be true now more than ever.  Even though it was horrible, and I am still not totally recovered from it, I am so glad I lost my job.  It got me back to Wisconsin, and it got me an entire month with my gramma and grandpa.  An entire month I would never have had otherwise.  I would never have been able to forgive myself had I been in OR when my grandparents passed, and I got to spend so much time with them--I feel so lucky to have had that opportunity. 

I miss them horrible.  I miss being naughty to get a rise out of my gramma, and I miss having to shout in order for my grandpa to hear me.  I didn't even get to tell gramma about my teaching hell experiences and there are times where I am so overwhelmed by how much I miss them I don't know how to deal with it. I know they are happier now.  I know that death comes to us all.  It doesn't make things less sad for me right now. 

I know that a large part of who I am today is because of my gramma.  Because of my grandparents who helped my parents make me the woman I am.  And I will forever be thankful for them.