Forced positivity:

I. CAN. DO. IT.
Some "good-ness":

1. My "Happy Stuffs" binder full of cards, letters, and notes from my students and even parents of students thanking me and praising me.
2. Random text messages and emails from my students offering me words of advice.
3. My cats love me unconditionally (so much so that one is currently drooling on me as I try to type this).
4. I get to see my family and gramma very soon.
5. Strawberry Toaster strudels, Coke Zero Cherry, and Excedrin Migraine to help my brain not feel like it is in a vice grip.
6. Mousehunt on facebook.
7. Other people think I am more than a teacher even if I can't see that right now. They love me and are trying to support me through this.
8. iPone. I love mine. SO MUCH.
9. Sha-Nay-Nay. I hope I won't have to get rid of her! I love how zippy and zoomy she is--and she can fit into ANY parking space I try to put her in!
10. Books.
11. TV, TiVo, streaming Netflix trial...
12. Clean hair (yeah...it was a week...)

This is a good start. I am going to make myself do this when I am feeling down and dwelling on what I can not change.

This will not get me.

I am determined.

Other than the two periods immediately following my meeting with my supervisor when she told me her decision to recommend nonrenwal, I haven't missed school.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with her, the superintendent and me. (With my union rep who can't do diddly shit for me, but that is another story in itself).

During my 50 minute prep.

10 minutes after the bell rings after my 4th period.

I have to push my cart down 5 hallways, set up for 6th and 7th period, and then haul ass down to the district office (down the street).

My rep told me today that the meeting will be them talking AT me ("them" being the superintendent and my supervisor), and then we leave.

AWESOME.

So, my goal at this point, is to not talk. Because I think that would be bad. Because I can't find the words to express how fucking ridiculous this entire situation is without dropping incessant f bombs.

All the letters of support mean nothing. My superintendent's job (in his contract) is to support the administration.

So my supervisor, who won't be at the school next year (she is retiring, but it is unofficial), and one of TWO superintendents LEAVING THE DISTRICT are ending my career here in this district.

Awesome.

Thank. Goodness. For. WINE.