Sort-of-but-not-quite...

Seems that ever since I graduated with my BA I have existed in a realm of 'nearlies.'
I was 'nearly' an outside sales representative (since a lot of my job revolved around me acting as a carpenter, waiting on the dolts of the Orange monster, and flirting incessantly to get my way).
I was 'nearly' a teacher, but always living in fear of losing my job since I didn't have the exact credentials and I was at a failing school that never had any certainty as it was.
I was 'nearly' married--sure, the proposal SUCKED ASS and I am super glad since he wasn't right for me, but still that nearly was an important nearly for now I am alone!
I was 'nearly' a Hall Director, but not really--never actually filling that real-thing role, and muddling through the pretenses of the rest of my responsibilities, wondering if I'd ever really be good at the real thing--if I ever even got the chance...
I am now a 'nearly' coach, and next week will begin my semester of 'nearly' being a teacher.
I am happy as to all the directions my life has taken, and love where I am right now, truly I am.

I just think that after so many years of nearlies, I am terrified that I will never be, and I won't ever have the real deal.

I feel quite whole most of the time in my present roles, but I wonder if this weird not-whole-feeling will cease if I ever get to be a 'real' anything, or if it is something that lies deeper that I need to fill in other ways.