It is interesting to ponder

how quickly things change, and how quickly people can meld into something you never knew they were.

I know that every relationship is 100%/100%, and I have myself to blame for a good portion of what is wrong with my life, but it seems that every time I find myself in a new and challenging experience, those who I thought were my friends are farther away than I can ultimately reach.

I know I shouldn't be surprised...I was never highly thought of when I was a part of my past worlds--I can look back upon instances that in a heartbeat I was traded for something more appealing, traded for anything less 'me'...I know how much bending over I did and how much I tried to give.
I also know how much I didn't give.
And what I didn't do.

I feel helpless in a search to find some balance I know I need to have, but have no idea how. I have no good model in my life...my parents have each other and maybe one sibling they are close to. My sister is...well, my sister. I have never had anyone last in my world. This is quite fascinating as I am reflecting on this--how off I feel...

Can't dwell. Too much I have to focus on to get through this.

And of course, I left my CT's info (for my second placement) at school, and I am pretty sure I should have contacted her by now. Avoiding things is definitely a strength of mine. :/