When you live in denial for so long

coming to terms with the reality is much harder.

My gramma is dying.  The nurse can't get a pulse in the foot, and the fluid in her lungs is really building up.  She is struggling to breathe, and she only ate two bites of fish--her favorite food--and even that was an effort for her to even try to accomplish.  I've been researching what to look for--for the first time because I always said that MY grandparents would be around forever--and it isn't good at all. 
I'm not sure what to do.  It is extremely selfish of me to want her around longer--she is so uncomfortable with each breath, but I still want her here.  Her blood pressure is 141/93 and her respiration are low: 101.  It just isn't looking good.  She's had a few close-calls--where she seems like she is going to die, she gets super sick and it looks horrendous--but then she pulls through.  That doesn't seem to be the case this time.  At 93 I can understand why, it still isn't fair.  It still isn't anything that should happen to MY gramma.  At least in my world.  I am very worried about my mom and what this will do to her, and if we do lose my gramma, what that will do to her.  My grandpa I think is holding out hope that she will pull through like she always does--she is the strongest in the family, and if we lose her, I don't think he will stick around much longer after. 
Basically, I am trying not to cry, making sure she is comfortable, and hoping that she pulls out of this, but actually, for the first time in my 33 years, realizing that death can happen to MY grandparents. 

It sucks.